One Size Fits Most

Sunday, July 31, 2005


I won the husband lottery!!
15 years ago I married the best guy in the world. For our 15th anniversary
he took me as a surprise to Hot Springs (where we went on our short
honeymoon). He planned the whole thing without my knowledge, down to
calling my supervisor and getting me the day off work (Friday) and making a
reservation for Six Million Dollar doggie at the puppy hotel.
We stayed at the Arlington and had the whole spa thing and nice dinner out
Now, its not just that he did such a great thing for our anniversary. But
as I look back over the 15 years I see all the great things he's done for me
while putting up with a lot of CRAP. And never batting an eye. I mean, he
even cut my dad's toenails while he was in the hospital! Thats true love!!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Power Outage

Power Outage During Mammogram
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!"
This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear tilted her head to one
side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,
strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a
perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60
seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold
4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and
said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can
get everything?"

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use
the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob
wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt
a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide open
so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba
and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of
me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.
"Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been
standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power
came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.
Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Update on OC

Old Crusty seems to be doing pretty well. He fired the sitter because "I
dont need her." Ok fine you dont right now but what about when you get
sicker from your treatments?? And he is getting out now some on his own.
Duh! I cant take him every day. Yeah, well he doesnt need me so much now.
I'll get over it.
So tomorrow I'm going with him for his chemo. Sure wish I remembered to go
by the knitting store to get those knitting needles so I'd have something to

And now for the lighter side:
Top Ten Jokes for Today
10. How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
9. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
8. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
7. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
6. What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
5. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
4. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
3. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
2. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal
The taste.
1. Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Monday, July 18, 2005

New Camp Song

(sung to the tune of frere jacque):

Revelation, Revelation
28:1, 28:1
Liars go to hell, Liars go to hell,
Burn burn burn, burn burn burn

New Camp Song

(sung to the tune of frere jacque):

Revelation, Revelation
28:1, 28:1
Liars go to hell, Liars go to hell,
Burn burn burn, burn burn burn

Friday, July 15, 2005

Oh, and by the way....

A fork works really well to scratch a sunburn on your back when your
husband/significant other/child isnt around! Or try Barbie feet!

School Supplies R Us

I went to the local Target today and spent a whopping 68.00 on school
supplies....and that wasnt everything!! I still have to get the stuff that
you can only get in the bookstore and plus the wipies and kleenex.
Whose idea was it to have kids anyway?? Geez!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Oh and one more thing

The HR dept at my hospital called me today (in my head: "uh, am I
fired???") to tell me I won tickets to see VeggieTales!! Woo Hoo!

If you need me, I'll be over in the doorway trying to scratch my sunburn on
the door jamb.

Honey!! I'm Home!!

We're home from our much needed beach trip. In summary, we had a great
time. We were in Folly Beach, SC for a few days with some friends and then
stopped in Atlanta on the way home and went to Underground Atlanta and World
of Coca Cola. We all got our token sunburn, even DQ my brown child (I dont
tan, I burn and freckle).
My SS class took dinner over to OC every night while I was gone, and BD
looked in on him. He started his radiation treatments on Monday and even
had his first chemo yesterday. Still says he doesnt feel any different.
Now its time to climb Mount Laundry!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Beach bound after all

Looks like me and the kids will be leaving for SC on Sat. I think OC will
be good to go for at least another week or two with his treatments. I'll be
having people looking after him while I'm gone (thanks y'all).
I'm probably gonna need it.

We miss Daddy.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy Birthday to Us

Happy Birthday America!

My husband is in Canada, so he wont be celebrating this one. He is helping
with youth and kids whose parents are attending the Canadian Baptist
Convention. Please come home soon, honey!!

My dad seems to be doing well these days. His treatments start on the 11th.
His antidepressant seems to be working, we shoulda done that 5 years ago!!

I let the kids stay outside with the neighbors who were (illegally)shooting
fireworks in the cove until 1030 pm. What got into me?? They are still
snoozing at 926am.

Going swimming this afternoon. Gonna be a hot one!!

Saturday, July 02, 2005


You have GOT to listen to THIS: